Berries and Rhymes
by fairyqueenie
Summary: A little plot bunny that bit. Some SGA humour. Rodney and Ronon get drunk. Most likely OOC, though who knows how a drunk Rodney would be.


This is my first SGA fic. I fancied a little humour for my first go. I don't have a beta (though if you fancy a challenge I'm looking for one) so all mistakes are my own.

**Disclaimer**; Not mine nuh uh. wish they were but not gonna happen. :)

Enjoy.

**Berries and Rhymes**

It was supposed to be a simple meet and greet, to see if there was any hope of a trade agreement with these people.

Unfortunately for Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, simple missions were few and far between.

As far as missions went, this one was going fairly well, everyone seemed to be getting along. though John as usual soon lost interest in the negotiations Teyla was having.

The locals had provided them with a feast of sorts, while John, Teyla and the leader of this settlement, who's name was Rhias discussed whether there was anything viable to trade. From the bits John caught of the conversation, Teyla seemed to be making a very good provisional agreement. They would just need to confirm it with Dr. Weir

The first indication Colonel Sheppard had that all was not well, was a couple of hours after they arrived. When he glanced over at Ronon Dex, and saw how hard he was trying, not to laugh out loud at Dr. Rodney Mckay. The astrophysicist was frantically gesticulating with his hands. Which in itself was not unusual, but he seemed to be slurring his words and swaying where he sat on the bench.

Ronon finally lost his battle, when with a wild pinwheeling of his arms, Rodney tumbled backwards off the bench.

The whole room came to an abrupt halt as he gave an indignant squawk as his ass hit the ground. Ronon nearly followed suit as he laughed raucously and pounded the table.

'Sorry, excuse us a minute.' John apologised as he and Teyla went to their team mates.

'What has gotten in to you two?' John hissed

'hey 'snot my fault ssstupid bench caan't hold a geeeniussss.' Rodney slurred.

John looked to Ronon who was now snickering to himself. then glanced at Teyla who was keeping watch on the villagers, who were whispering to each other in small groups.

'Are you both feeling well?' Teyla inquired cautiously.

'Fine, fine.' Dr. Mckay stated emphatically, as he tried to get to his feet and promptly fell on his ass again. Causing Ronon, who had just taken a gulp of his drink, to snort with laughter and spray it painfully straight back out his nose.

'It seems as though they are both drunk Colonel.' Teyla pointed out worriedly.

'Did they eat or drink the same thing?'

'I have no idea. They have each had quite a bit of both.' Sheppard replied.

Teyla had eaten a little, as had John. They had spent a lot of time discussing trade negotiations, well Teyla talked and John kept a look out for trouble. He just hadn't expected it to come from the ex runner and the astrophysicist on his own team.

Ronon had spent his time eating whatever was in front of him and drinking 'solta' the local drink. Rodney had also spent his time eating and drinking voraciously, while talking to a pretty young woman, who appeared to be this planets version of a scientist.

John huffed and turned to speak to Rhias.

'I apologise for my men Rhias. It seems they have had a reaction to something they consumed. Do you know what it might be, so we can tell our doctor?'

Rhias looked from John, to the inebriated men, both now sitting on the floor and shifted his feet nervously.

'It may be the berries. We use them to make the solta and also in the bread. It has been known to have this effect if ingested in large people are more sensitive to it's effects.' he stated.

'Would it be possible to take a small sample of these berries back with us, so we may show our medical team?' Teyla requested.

'Of course' Rhias agreed readily, as he sent someone off to gather some of the fruit.

'You will not hold this against us when we trade? he asked hopefully.

'No absolutely not' Teyla replied

'We shall just have to keep Ronon and Dr. Mckay away from these berries. We will speak to our leader, of the trade agreement we discussed and let you know her answer as soon as we can.'

'Right, we best try and get these two home. thanks for the hospitality.' John spoke as he moved towards the rest of his team, who had now regained their feet and were snickering behind their hands like a couple of school girls.

Teyla quickly joined him, after storing the berry sample in her vest pocket. They shared an exhasperated look, and John rolled his eyes.

'Ok you two, I think you've had enough excitement for one day. Let's get you back so Carson can have a look at you. Can you both walk?'

The runner and the physicist shared a look that blatantly said 'does it look like we're stupid'.

'Course we can walk, been doin it for years 'n' years 'n' years 'n' years 'n' years 'n'...'

He would have kept going John thought, but Ronon nudged him to shut him up and Rodney nearly fell again. He attempted to glare at Ronon, and obviously failed as the runner snorted, grabbed Mckay and they both stumbled from the room leaning on each other.

'Well that seems to work, 'least we don't have to hold hem up.' John commented to Teyla. They thanked their hosts, and followed their team mates out into the sun.

It should have taken 20 minutes to walk to the Stargate, but not with 2 stumbling, drunk team members, who it seemed were now trying to teach each other songs and childhood rhymes. 30 minutes later and still 10 minutes from the gate, Rodney suddenly stopped, which was becoming a regular occurrence, they had taken it upon themselves to point out funny shaped trees, odd sticks and various bugs and wildlife they saw, much to Colonel Sheppards annoyance. Teyla however seemed to find this some what amusing, to see the two team members who were not normally close, getting along so well.

'Hang on Teyla.' John called as he took hold of Ronon's shoulder, before he could fall completely, after the abrupt stop.

'What'cha seen this time?' Ronon asked enthusiastically.

They all looked to the astrophysicist who was now squirming where he stood.

'Hmm?' Rodney looked up and saw them all watching him

'Oh I didn't see anything, but I umm...' he looked down as he blushed furiously. 'I really, really have to pee.' he stated looking more embarassed than they'd ever seen.

John huffed a laugh as he watched his friend

'Mckay can't you hold it? We're only 10 minutes out from the gate, you can go when we get back to Atlantis.'

'I really can't' Mckay whimpered pathetically.

'If I go through that wormhole, I'll wet my pants.'

'Fine, Ronon you gotta go too?' John asked

The runner gave an affirmative grunt.

'OK go into the trees a little, we'll wait here for you.'

Ronon grabbed Rodney who was jiggling about like a 5 year old, and they stumbled into the tree line a short way.

John turned to Teyla and smirked, rolling his eyes.

'I feel like a kindergarten teacher.'

Teyla laughed 'They are certainly acting like children today.' She agreed in amusement.

Their two friends emerged from the trees a short time later, and continued on to the Stargate singing. John wondered where Rodney had learned a few of the rhymes he was teaching the runner.

'Oh I know a good one. Carson taught me it, he said it's from some comedian called Richard Digence apparently. It goes

_Old mother hubbard,_

_She went to the cupboard,_

_To fetch her poor doggy a bone,_

_When she bent over, up popped rover,_

_and gave her a bone of his own.'_

Rodney laughed and stumbled forward as Ronon slapped him on the back, roaring with laughter.

Teyla raised her eyebrows and John rolled his eyes... again.

'Why the heck did Carson teach you that?' John asked curiously, wondering at the sanity of the Atlantis CMO.

Rodney chuckled. 'It came up in "things not to teach Madison." '

'Well yeah I think that's a given' John laughed.

After what seemed an eternity they arrived at their destination.

'Alright we're here. Teyla can you dial Atlantis and let them know we may need Carson's help. You two behave.' He eyed the other men on his team.

They both attempted a rather sloppy salute to their CO, before following Teyla through the Stargate.

On reaching Atlantis, John stepped out of the event horizon and nearly fell over, as the runner and the physicist were in a tangled heap, laughing hysterically.

John glanced up from his friends, to see Dr. Elizabeth Weir jogging down the steps towards them, and Carson coming up to help as well.

'Colonel Sheppard, what happened here?' Elizabeth asked, looking bewildered at the behaviour of the two more serious members of SGA-1, who it appeared were about to start singing again.

'Ahh they are umm... drunk.' John winced as he said it.

Teyla joined the conversation before Dr. Weir could start yelling.

'We were discussing trade, the villagers had a feast. It seems that Ronon and Dr. Mckay unknowingly consumed rather a lot of drink and bread, made with berries that can cause inebriation if one is sensitive to them. I have a sample here.' Teyla explained, pulling a small tub from her vest, handing it to the CMO who had been listening intently to the explanation.

'Thank ye lass, how long have they been like this?'

'I think we're coming up to 1 and a half, 2 hours.' John replied.

'Took us 40 minutes to do a 20 minute walk back to the gate. They found everything so interesting, then they had to pee. We would have been back much sooner.

'Aye well, the amount they'd have drunk to get like this, it's gotta go somewhere.' Carson grinned

'Come on let's get them to the infirmary, so I can give em a once over. You will both need your post mission checks too.'

They eventually all made it to the infirmary in one piece. Rodney and Ronon laughing occasionally if they caught the others eye. To everyone's relief they seemed to be sobering up a little.

Carson confirmed that it was indeed the berries causing intoxication, and other than a hangover there should be no ill effects.

,

Many hours later, Colonel Sheppard and Teyla had both had time to shower and eat. They were now sat in the infirmary with their team mates, who had dozed off several hours earlier. Teyla was telling John of the work being done on the mainland, when there was a groan from one of the beds. Turning towards the sound, they watched as Rodney attempted to open his eyes, only to slam them shut with a moan when his head pounded.

'HEY CARSON, RODNEY'S AWAKE!' John shouted

A moan from the other bed along with 'Shrup Sheppard' meant both men were now awake and regretting it.

John chuckled at Ronon as Carson came hurrying over.

'That wasn't very nice now Colonel Sheppard.' Carson admonished. Though he seemed amused none the less.

'Right let's check ye lads over now. I should think you have nasty hangovers though, correct?'

Rodney attempted to nod yes. Only to grab his head with both hands when the pain spiked. Carson quickly finished their exams and handed both his patients Tylenol and a glass of water, which they accepted gratefully.

'Maybe next time, you'll be a little more careful when consuming foreign substances, hey lads. You'll stay here for a few more hours, 'till I know it's all outa ye system, then ye can go back to ye quarters.'

'And on that note.' John said 'Teyla and I need to go update Elizabeth. We'll see you two later, we can bring supper if you like, I think it's berry pie tonight!' John grinned

Mckay groaned piteously 'Carson I'm gonna puke!'

'Me too' Ronon mumbled.

Carson handed them both emesis basins and turned to glare at John, who was hurrying out of the infirmary laughing. As he reached the door he turned and smirked at Carson, who had snagged a nurse to assist him.

'Call it payback for telling Rodney that damn kids rhyme, he insisted on teaching Ronon.' he laughed as he escaped out the door.

End

A/N; A little plot bunny bit me on the butt and refused to get off till I'd written this. I really hope it's OK. It kept me amused writing it. I just fancied a little humour for my first SGA fic. If anyone has any ideas for other fics I could do please let me know. As always feedback/reviews gratefully received. constructive criticism appreciated. If you just want to tell me I suck please either phrase it nicely or don't bother :D

Thanks for reading

Fairy x


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